Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
