I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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