I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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