Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
