they need to just BURY HIM!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm passing your future prison.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
