I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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