Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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