I think I am morally bankrupt
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
try to milk me bitch
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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