So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
