i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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