We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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