ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
