your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
