he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
