I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
