96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
