hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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