It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
