booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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