office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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