38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
