She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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