I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
