Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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