He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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