after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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