Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I deserve this hangover.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
