Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize