the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
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I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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