i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
