I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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