UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
