did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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