Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
