Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
