She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
