Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
