Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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