I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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