she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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