I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My liver just broke up with me...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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