I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
