So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
