Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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