I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
