I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
