I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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