yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
