And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
