Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Boobs are out for the taking
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
