I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
