OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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