her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
