3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
