I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
