OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
apparently the secret to your success is patron
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
