my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
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I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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