I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
