I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
