just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
