I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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