She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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