Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
