I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
