I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
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if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
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The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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