I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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