Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
