Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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