I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
