there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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